Never Again
by inevitablevauseman
Summary: "She knows that she needs to come after you and explain herself and comfort you. But she never does." A short ramble on Alex. A different play of things in season 3.


_**a/n: I am a hardcore Vauseman shipper, there is no doubt about that. The writers have ruined it for me, mostly because they have ruined Piper. I don't really know where this came from of it there will be more but I had to get it out. Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **This takes place DURING season 3. Piper is in the panty business and cheating on Alex. Everything up to the scene where Piper tells Alex that she has nothing to worry about has happened. AU after that scene.**_

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She told you that you have nothing to worry about. She denied your fears; she confirmed that she wasn't cheating on you with Stella.

But it still feels like something is wrong.

Piper's been different. But she still loves you, right?

She has to still love you.

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Despite your fears, you're able to convince yourself that Piper still loves you. She wouldn't still be with you if she didn't. You know you've been distant and paranoid and annoying, but she loves you and she understands.

But then it's 3:00 on a Tuesday afternoon and you see _them_ and they're kissing and you can tell that they've been kissing and it's like you're whole world is falling apart.

You're _hopingprayingneeding_ to wake up. This has to be a dream.

But when you look up again, it's still happening. Anger flares in your chest, but the hurt and betrayal and heartbreak consumes you and it takes every little thing in you to not fall to the ground.

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It takes you a minute before you can look away again.

They look so natural together. They're laughing, and touching and kissing and you're heart is breaking but it looks so normal and you can't believe you didn't see this coming sooner.

You finally turn away, but right before you fully turn around Piper sees you.

She sees you and she sees the tears in your eyes and you hear her mutter 'fuck' under her breath.

She knows that you saw. She knows that she's breaking your heart, again. She knows that she needs to come after you and explain herself and comfort you.

But she never does.

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It's been three weeks since you saw _them_. It's been 21 days since your heart was torn into a million pieces and everything around you came crumbling down.

Piper never even attempted to explain herself. She never came after you, and no words were ever said.

It was over, just like that; she chose someone else. Again.

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You've turned away from everybody. You're alone and you're still scared for your life and you can't believe that _she fucking broke your heart again_. That you let her break your heart again.

You see them around together. They always stop when they see you, but you can tell that they're happy; that Piper is happy. She doesn't even feel bad about fucking you up.

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You hear through the grapevine that things are over between them. Apparently Stella fucked up and did something to piss Piper off, and Piper made sure to get her revenge. You're not sure of specifics, but you don't care.

You wait for Piper to come looking for you. To talk, to beg for forgiveness.

Your walls are up and you will not let her in again.

But just like last time, she never does.

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You weren't paranoid.

Kubra did send someone to kill you, and he gets pretty damn close to succeeding.

Lolly saves you, but you wish she hadn't.

It would be so much easier if you were dead.

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When you finally return to Litchfield after 3 months in the hospital nobody knows how to act around you.

Nicky is back, and she's the only one you will let in. But not fully.

You will never let anyone in fully again.

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Nicky fills you in on what happened.

Piper got caught in the panty business, and more time was added on to her sentence. That's all she's able to tell you before you yell at her to shut the fuck up. You can't take it, hearing about her

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With all the new girls at Litchfield, you decide that it's time to start living again, as much as you can.

You start fucking as many girls as you can. Anyone who will let you. You put on your old charm and you're once again the heartless seductress.

When you fuck them, your mind floods with the fact that it's _not Piper._

None of the girls look like Piper. None of the girls sound like Piper. None of the girls feel like Piper. None of the girls finish like Piper.

And it hurts. _It hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts_ ,

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She comes up to you one day.

You don't know how long it's been, you don't really care.

'Alex' she says softly.

You look up, fight the tears that are _begging_ to come out, and you look back down.

You will not let her in again.

Never.

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Piper won't leave you alone.

She begs you and pleads with you and tells you that she loves you and that she misses you and that she needs you.

It's everything that you've ever wanted to hear.

But you _can't_. Not again.

You haven't said anything to her the entire time other than 'fuck you.'

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You're fucking a new girl one day, and the realization hits you.

She's not Piper. Nothing about her is Piper.

And it feels so fucking good.


End file.
